This week is going to be one of the toughest and scariest weeks for me this year. Not only am I getting an important eye surgery done, the day after is Inauguration day.
I have no idea what to expect of my Vitrectomy on Thursday. The long list of potential risks are not fun to read over, especially when my Retina Specialist mentioned how they are more of a risk to me than the average person. Eye lid droop, retinal detachment, double vision, cataracts, loss of vision, and Phthisis (shrinkage of eyeball. These all sound off- putting, yet almost comical. I just need to put them out of my mind and know that whatever happens, I will get through it. Good thing I have an acupuncture appointment and Yin Yoga class scheduled and have a wonderful group of people around me for support.
It has been a long nine months with my vitreous hemorrhaging in my retina and surgery is my last option. Numerous eye injections and laser sessions every month have not helped and now it is time for my last option. Fingers and toes crossed!
I have mixed feelings about the entire process, to be honest and filled with fear mixed with determination. While this has been a horrible experience to go through the last few months, I have learned a lot about myself and have grown closer to who I really am. A lot of us have healing stories, stories that explain how they got to the where they are today. One of my healing stories has been this whole experience with my eye and I haven’t even been healed yet! Well, not physically. My eye trauma has healed me mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It has driven me to leave an unfulfilling and toxic job and has pushed me to get on a path that resonates more with me. Sure, right now I am making less than what I was making, I pay for my own health insurance, and work seven days a week at two part- time jobs, but I am happier than I was before. My eye issues motivated me to take risks and be more daring by traveling alone to Hawaii to get my Yoga Teacher certification.
This entire process has made me more aware of my body and my intuition and has made me believe in the saying that “Everything happens for a reason” no matter how good or bad. I know that may not be true for everyone, but it has been for me. If I wouldn’t have had my veins burst in my retina on that morning in April, I wouldn’t have met the amazing people that I have met, I wouldn’t have visited Hawaii or gotten my Yoga Teacher Certification, and I probably wouldn’t have been as happy as I am now. Thank you weak veins. Thank you vision loss and migraines and light sensitivity and vertigo. Without any of you symptoms, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Yet, I think I am ready to let go of these symptoms and move on to the finale of my healing story.
I want to tell my story to as many people as I can to inspire them to make positive changes in their lives, no matter the risks or the fears and to not wait for a frightening wake up call, like I did. I will have a tough time ahead of me and you may too, but if we think and act positively with ourselves and towards those around us, we will be able to get through it gracefully.